I'm back blogging after so long... It's Year 2007 now... I really hate to say this but time sure do flies fast... There was so much that happened last year, 2006...
Well, in my previous post, I did mention about my N-Level... That, I was supposed to repeat... Hmm... I tried repeating but not for long, I left school... I was so pressurized back then... My parents wanted me to repeat but my heart did not want to... Because, they wanted so much for me to repeat my N-Level, I had no choice but to do what they wish...
Life in school as a repeat student sure do sucks a lot... It really changed my life; my attitude... I totally lost heart in studying and being someone who I'm not... I hated school life!~ I started to be so wild... Running away from school, skipping classes, hiding in toilets, hiding in staircase, etc... I spend my life in my friend's working place and coming back home real late... I skip school and slept over at a friend's place... Everyday, this was the life that I was leading... I was simply throwing my life away...
When I'm in school, I just can't seem to control my tears from flowing... I could not control myself, my emotion...
My close friends who got promoted to Secondary 5 ain't my close friends anymore... They got their own life... They mixed with their Secondary 5 friends while I always stick to one of my close friend who's in the same shoes as me... We than drifted apart... It was all like a dream; I wake up just to find everybody's gone...
That period of time, I've got no heart in studying...

People teasing me...
People laughing at me for being a cry baby...
People talking behind my back about me being so dramatic; for being an actress...

I feel that life is so unfair and I hated it... Why God is always torturing me? I thought, in the Bible it says, God has good plans for us... But, why does it not happen to me? I just wish I could end it all...
I wanted to get out of school so badly... I feel so miserable back then... I just do not want to lead the life I lead... In my heart, I know that even though I repeat my N-Level, I would still not make it... In fact, I would do even worse than what I've done... And, I know that I would not be able to take another fall...
I've studied so hard for my N-Level... Everyday, I would stay back in school to study till school closes... I pass all of my subjects and scored 11 points... I tried so hard and yet I did not make it... But, my classmates who are so playful, they just pass 3 subjects and scored 10 points... They made it, why not me?!? Life is just so unfair...
My parents wanted me to stay in school while I wanted to leave school so badly... Finally, after 3 months of struggling in school, the teachers and my parents had a talk... My parents had no choice but to sign the leaving school form because I was so insisting then... Soon, I was out of school and that time, I felt freedom just like a bird flying out from its cage...
I would say that I'm a really stubborn and a spoiled girl... What I want, I would try ways and means to reach my goal... Of cause, what I want benefits my future... The good ones, not the bad ones...
A few days after I left my Secondary School, I registered myself as an O-Level private candidate and I studied in a private school called BMC... Although, there was not much time left for me to learn everything I should know and private life can be really slack, still, I never regret leaving my Secondary School and making this decision...
Hmm... I can't really say I did not regret... I did regret... A little... I miss those teachers in the government school who are always spoon-feeding the students, helping me with my education and my emotion...
In private school, I had to do everything by myself... There was no one I could turn to... I had to be independent and to stand firm by myself... I had to self study... But, I told myself, at least I'm happy compared to being in school... At least, I've learn to be an independent girl, not depending on my teachers... At least, I'm not throwing my life away, giving up on education... I really hate to lose heart in studying... I simply love studying but somehow things do not go my way... Sigh...
Okay, recently, I just got back my O-Level result... Sadly to say, I did not make it to any of the Polytechnics... My result was a disaster and I only had 2 credits... I was really depressed back then... But, not as bad compared to that time when I took my N-Level result... I locked myself in my room for days... Thinking really hard about my future, what I want to do, what interest me, where to go now, and stuff...
Somehow, I always encourage myself by saying, at least I did not regret making this decision by taking my O-Level because my friend who repeated her N-Level did not make it again... In fact, she did worse than what she did last time... As I've expected... And, as a private candidate where I had to be independent, I actually did better than some of my friends... I did not expect it to turn this way as I always thought my friends in government school will definitely do better than me... My private teachers did not spoon feed me unlike teachers in government school... They had the best teachers, spoon feeding them with all the knowledge and yet they did worse than what I've done... So, I'm pretty amazed though rather disappointed at my results...
After much consideration, I've decided to repeat my O-Level... I do not mind repeating my O-Level compared to N-Level... It's because, O-Level is so important... It's the key to you future whereas, N-Level, it's totally useless... And, this time... I have to get 5 credits... Places like, SIM, PSB, SIA... Everywhere you go, they'll need your 5 credits of O-Level... So, I'm struggling again... Hopping this year, I could enter any Polytechnics... For the sake of a diploma, any course in Polytechnic, I would try to adapt to it... The world is cruel... People say, Private school's diploma like Shatec, can't win diplomas in Polytechnics... It's not that recognize... Only government stuff is recognized... What nonsense is this?!? Argh... You pay so much and come to the end, it says, it's not that recognize in Singapore...
So, if I'm given a chance to go any Polytechnics, I would strive to get a diploma and later, study Tourism in Shatec and get a Degree in Business overseas... Well, easier said than done... And, though it's a long way... But, study as much as you can, ya? So, this is my brief plans... But, things always don't go my way... Something would just collide against it... I don't have a choice but to take a step at a time and not having high hopes not I'll fall high... Right now, my main focus is on O-Level again and to get 5 credits for my O-Level... Yeah!!!

[Lingz- Signing Off~]