Saturday, September 3, 2005
Disheartened
Sigh.. My life has been kind of torturing.. Feeling so pressurize, stress, nervous, etc.. Got back my report card yesterday.. It was horrible.. I passed two subjects only and its below my expectations.. How am I going to survive my N-Level when my Prelims are like shit?!? So disheartening and I'm living in despair.. Somehow, I needed someone to talk to; someone to counsel me.. Sigh.. I'm on the verge of insanity!~ Upon getting the report cards, I cried.. Wad was I thinking then? I was reading the comments that my teachers wrote for me especially the main one, from my form teacher.. I was really touched by his words that I simply burst into tears.. There was one part in which he mentioned that I should learn to face the fact if things ain't going right and live life to full? Hmm.. Similar lah? Yea.. And, I was thinking, how am I going to face the fact that I've done so badly.. In another words, I cant fulfill my dream.. Sigh.. I don't want to lose out!~ I’m just so tired now.. I cant walk any longer.. I cant continue the journey.. I'm giving up? Its just so tough.. This coming Monday would be my Chinese N-Level.. Gosh!~ I'm still unprepared.. I don't know what to prepare for my Chinese.. Sigh.. I fear that I cant take my papers peacefully.. Its really killing me.. I'm better of dead!~Tuesday, I would be having my Social Studies paper.. I never pass it in my life time.. Sigh!~ Really hope that I could do well for my papers.. I don't want to fail every single paper.. I don't want to get below 10 points.. I don't want to retain and retake my papers.. Worse, I don't want to go to ITE.. Never will I!~ I'm desperate.. Hungry to score well.. Hungry to get into Sec.5.. I don't want to lose to my friends!~ I'm just so desperate..I'm glad that many people have faith and believe in me.. Especially, my teachers.. They made me want to carry on and not to give up.. I don't want to disappoint them also myself.. Times and times, my results have disappoint me that made me lived in despair.. Sigh.. I simply just cant do it.. My Dreams!~ I just cant help but to think about it.. Actually, it wasn't a goal that I set in the first place.. It just came into me.. Just an interest that I'm working towards it.. Therefore, it became my goal.. My dreams!~ If I could set, perhaps I'll set a much easier goal.. Sigh..I went back to school today to seek for help in my Social Studies.. Hopefully, I'm able to go through this.. It’s been so weird.. I understand the text and stuff, yet I am still not able to pass this subject.. Whats going on? I supposed its due to the lack of time.. I don't have much time left to do my Section B? Also, I supposed its due to the understanding of questions? Hahz.. Well, cant blame it on situations.. Thats what Mr. Ng would always tell me.. Well, Ms Teo went through with me some topics.. Understand much more of it.. Hopefully, what Ive studied would come in for my papers..My friends have been encouraging me.. Really surprised me lots.. Hahz!~ Everyone says not to give up just for a tree.. There will be better tress ahead.. But, will I have the chance to see other better trees? I doubt so.. Its like, time is running out for me and it will be the end of me..If I can continue to walk the walk, I'll definitely walk through it.. But, if I'm tired, you gals go ahead.. Don't bother about me because I'm just giving up.. Sigh.. Whats life but a torture..
[Lingz- Signing Off~]
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