Thursday, March 10, 2005
Bad Day
Sigh.. Having a really bad headache.. Guess, it's due to the hot weather? Yesterday, I had my X-country and I was under the hot and sunny sun for a couple of hours.. Haven't been blogging for quite some time.. Many things happened.. Don't have the mood to blog.. Life is indeed like a roller-coaster.. Ups and Downs.. Having a couple of downs this few days.. Today, I cried in school for quite a while.. I cried when Mr. Ng talked to the whole class about our results and about our N-Level.. The way he said "ITE, ITE & ITE", and many other stuff.. Really makes me so freaking freak out and so freaking scared that I just simply burst into tears.. I just can't stopped crying.. I just feel that I can't do it.. I can't make it.. I can't survive through it.. Sigh.. I'm so freaking dead.. I guess, I really should go back to God.. I can't do it all by myself.. I need God.. I need my teachers.. I need HELP!~ I miss those 'bros' and 'sis' in church so, so, so much!~ Sigh.. I've done extremely bad for my papers.. I've failed most of them.. Except for my Chinese and my Geography.. Sigh.. It's really a pity that my school doesn't provide Pure Geography.. If not, I might have gotten at least a "Bs" for it.. And, I wouldn't have failed my Humanities if it wasn't for my Social Studies.. My Social Studies really pulled my grades down!!! Sigh.. I never expect to failed my English either.. I guess, I put too much hope in my it.. I just can't accept that fact that I failed my English because I'd never fail my English before.. Hmmm.. Maybe, I did lah.. When I was in Primary School? Don't really remember.. But, I just simple can't accept the fact.. Sigh.. Is all these a retribution for me?!?!? Retribution for mixing with the wrong companies.. Retribution for not attending school and lessons..?!?! Sigh.. This results has really gotten my spirit to sink.. And, it's sinking extremely down.. I thought that my spirit might float just like a ship.. But, I was wrong.. It's actually sinking just like Titanic and many other ships that had sunk!!! Sigh.. Life for me is extremely bad.. But, one thing for sure is that.. I feel really bless because God has put lotsa' great people around me.. I'm thankful to.. None other than.. God!~ Also, 'Sister' and Mr. Ng who's always helping me.. Giving me counseling, encouragements, support, etc.. And, my friends too.. Today, they made me feel that I'm not alone by giving me their support, comfort, so-on and fourth.. I'm also thankful to Mrs Chng' for having faith in me.. Got back my Literature test paper today and she wrote me a little note saying, "Nanlin, spend a little more time on your studies. I know you are a good girl and I know you can make it." This, really melts my heart that, I just don't wanna' disappoint her again.. I don't wanna' disappoint all of my teachers too.. Because, they are awesome!~ I've got great teachers around me and I'm thankful for that.. To me, I feel that I don't have much time left.. But, I really do hope that with this little time left for me to spend.. I'm able to do well for my N's and that I'm able to go to Sec5 to take my O's.. Struggling with my life now.. Struggling with my studies now!~ Sigh.. I'm shouting to the Lord.. Please, I beg You.. Bless me with it!!!~ [Lingz- Signing Off~]
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